Today was omg great! went to school, then bus-ed down to coronation for lunch, supposedly. It was overrun with HCI people, so we walked all the way down to mad jacks, where I realised I was actually starving, and stupidly ordered a blue mountain burger and fries. Plus sharing a brownie with cass, I feltt so sick after that! was effing high on the way back to school , doing model struts and waving to everyone and bitching about ahem :P and in study camp, pranking random people and playing squash outside the room with a tennis ball and racquets. Damn retarded please! hope that person doesnt discover the little round black marks on the wall :P heh.
It was good cause I could immerse myself completely in the 4gy-ers and work and completely forget last night. Thanks nate, for you damn good physic timing and your very nice shoulder :) if not making my day, you stopped me from being stupider. (no, I promised I wont do it and I wont k?) you rock my world man.
And to uh, you, kinda obvious who the you is. I don't want us to be like this. You said you meant so little to me, I proved you wrong. You said I didnt care about you? wrong again. How did I betray you? I dont understand what youre saying at all, not at all. I didnt lie to you, reveal your secrets, backstab you, anything. All I said was that if you did get involved with a her, a huge part of us would have to change, cause that part is not acceptable if either one of us is involved in a relationship. And if I sounded hurt, I was. Walk in my shoes for a while. Wouldnt you be? Say if someones been this close to you for months, made all sorts of promises, said all kinds of things youd never dreamed anyone would, and you trusted them. Say you made each other happy, and you knew that cause thats what they told you. And that theyd love you no matter what you thought you were, that you made their day, meant everything to them. Say you intended to keep every single one of those promises you made, even the craziest ones. Say you trusted that person completely, gave them a place in your heart, Say that sometimes youd have to discuss if you guys were stepping beyond the line labelled "friends" or not. Then say that that person suddenly decides that you no longer make them happy, that youre just another person who they happen to know better, Thats all you are. And then, they find someone else who does make them happy, and REPLACES YOU. Now tell me you're ok with it.
Look, I know I'm in the wrong. I shouldnt have been so rash, so odd. Shouldnt have said what I did, it only served to confuse you more I suppose, and to piss you off. I guess I sounded a bit like a bratty kid demanding something, in this case, you. I do want you to be happy, just not excluding me, is that too much to ask? you could just say so.But I guess now you know where I'm coming from . You know pretty much wHat you mean to me (the world) you know what I'd do to patch things together again. Just tell me what it is. Go back in time, a few months, when we first started out, and we were finally friends. How you used to encourage me in art, and I'd cheer you on in debate and cap. How youd be so damn tired, but still humour me, and I'd try to figure out how we could meet (which never worked), how I'd use you as a muse for my art and some poems, and you'd amaze me with your writing. GO back and read what you wrote on your birthday post, what you wrote on the 19th of april (remember that day?), 10th june. Thats when you started to confuse me too, and thats when I started to, yeah. Remember when I said I'd always love you. Don't end our friendship. It makes for tears and regret, and we both have enough of that.
I don't think I'll say anymore. Dont bother me, unless its you. Typing your heart out onto a cold screen is hard without letting your guts flow onto the floor at the same time.
